Decisions, decisions...

I am faced with a decision that I'm having trouble making. Nothing life threatening, but still difficult for a person like me. Typically, I just wait until situations prove themselves one way or the other, but I'm not sure it will wait that long in this case.

Let me explain.

Currently, the financial situation in our lives is rather strapped. We've been on a single income for a while, but we're still making the payments and paying the bills with not much left over. Little luxuries (like dining out) are few and far between, but they are not taken for granted when they visit.

Background: I have recently been given what has been called birthday & Christmas money for this year. It is a generous balance to a beautiful set of necklaces found and given to my twin sister for her birthday/Christmas gifts for this year. [i.e. Mom found a gift that just 'called' my sister's name (a few steps more expensive than would be purchased normally) but she hasn't yet found something like that for me and decided to give me the cash equivalent - figuring I'd have more luck in the search. It's cool - we've done this for decades in our family.] It's not a huge amount, but it's enough that I would call it a huge amount. [Note: I'm the type to hold out for the 4-pack of t-shirts for $6 rather than buy the 3-pack for the same price.]

Foundational experience: Over the last 10 years, it's been common when 'extra' money has come our way, that we have shortly thereafter had some financial crisis that strips most or all of it away. [We've learned to call this God's provision for an upcoming financial need.]

The decision: 1.) Do I spend it on something that would be shared for our house (specifically, looking at a futon-couch for a spare room that we want to turn into a guest-room/library)? 2.) Do I spend it (with a slight addition of our own money) on a small lap-top computer (called a "netbook") for myself (everyone else in the family already has their own laptops, and it would be nice to 'run and play with the rest of the girls and boys')... and is currently on sale? 3.) Do I slap it into savings and wait for that financial hit that always seems to find it's way into our corner (which could start next Monday with my appointment with a new neurologist)?

It really is a toss-up in my mind that spins around in my head like a carousel. [Which is generally when I make "no decision" and wait while doing some research on the options... which is usually when the financial crisis happens.] My paranoia says to put at least part of it into savings. My desire to make comfortable and cozy places in our home says get the futon-couch and set up the library. My buried-deep "fallen nature" tells me to be selfish and get the computer. [Note: I have already found many ways to justify each choice with logic and reason.]

Ultimately, I know the decision is mine, but I would be interested in other people's thoughts, so I present this post.
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God bless & Godspeed

Caption this photo...

If you could put a caption on this photo, what would it say?


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Caption this photo...

If you could put a caption on this photo, what would it say?


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I hate migraines...

Thank God for Extra Strength Excedrin.

Saturday morning, I was enjoying a beautiful day and my first opportunity to do some significant house cleaning. After washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, I started clearing off a table that we haven't seen in months. [That squirrel's nest thing.] I was about 1/3 done with the table when I suddenly realized that part of my hand was missing from my vision when I looked past it. Not good, but after so many years, nothing to panic over.

This has become my 'first alert' signal that I might have a "classic migraine with aura" revving up to dominate the next several hours of my life. However, I couldn't tell if it was just visual residue caused by a sun-flash image from looking out the bright sunny window and then turning back to look at an unlighted table. I found that I couldn't tell by just shutting my eyes and looking for the source image, either. So, I had to go to my other stand-by: I use a piece of white paper (or a white wall) with even light across it and look for the visual disturbance. The white makes it easier to 'see' the beginnings of the kaleidoscopic arc that will confirm it for sure. [Waiting for the disturbance to get larger will also confirm it, but tends to make the headache worse for the delay. However, if it was just sun-flash, it would just go away.]

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If you'd like to know what my auras look like, display a white screen on your computer. Dip your finger in some water and draw a fat "C" on the screen (any size). That's pretty similar.
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Once I confirm the signal, I take some medication, find some place to sit down and ride out the process (with the hope that I got the medication in soon enough to head off the bulk of the headache that will follow). I'm really sensitive to medicines so I tend to take less rather than more, so I start with just one Excedrin Extra Strength tablet (or generic equivalent) and then wait. [Typically, just one will allow me to be functional. But I'll take a second one after a few hours if it's bad... like this one was.]

For me, it generally takes about 20 minutes for the aura to 'do its thing' from beginning to end (and the sunny day required me to wear sunglasses the whole time plus a few hours afterwards because of light sensitivity). I can't read or 'see' much of anything until it 'opens up' and moves to my peripheral vision, and eventually goes away completely. Then I get to deal with the headache and the after effects. Because I've never been a drinker, I have no idea what an alcohol hangover feels like. However, I have intimate experience with migraine hangovers. They aren't much fun and can last for days.

Alas, I should have expected it. Friday late-morning at work (thankfully right before my day was done anyway) I was subjected to what I call a "perfume hit". Sometimes I walk into what feels like a solid wall of scent (and I'll reel from it). This time, it was a pair of coworkers (a guy and a girl) who were both saturated with fragrance. When they walked by my work area, the scent hit me like a ton of bricks.

I tried using my fan as a shield first. [Stupid mistake #1 - I should have gone for the mask.]. I went for the mask second. [Stupid mistake #2: Already exposed for too long, I should have abandoned my work area with the first hit.] Then I made stupid mistake #3 and decided to just pack up and leave the office (overtime is only worth so much). Unfortunately, this also kept me ‘in it’ too long. By the time I got a note written and sent to the boss (following protocols), plus getting my machines shut down and my stuff packed up, I was shaky and no longer able to focus on any mental details (just not thinking good). I did have presence of mind on my way out to stop by some coworkers who know about my challenges to wish them a good weekend and to tell someone that I was having ‘perfume issues’ and that I was leaving for the day.

One of the things that I've learned via my neurologist and my experience, my migraines (classic or Bickerstaff's) do not always happen on the same day as the triggers. Little time capsules that can build, diffuse or break at any time.

...and that can be so annoying.

[Side-note: I'm very glad that I have an appointment on May 4th with a neurologist that will get me some professional documentation of the reality of my perfume triggered migraines for my employee records. Whoa, I'd better stop there, or I'll start venting on a story that has forced me to walk-on-eggshells since the beginning of February (to prevent any excuse for further wrongful harassment accusations to be brought against me). I may eventually share some details when/if there is some resolution, but I want my blog to be for sharing things that lift the spirit or educate the curious... not for dispensing personal vitriol.]
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Until we meet again...
Godspeed & God bless