Monday, June 29, 2009

It's like being in High School again...

[Original post: 5/31/09: 6:10pm.]

It amazes me. How did I never realize it? How (or why) do people (who should be adults) choose to revel in the the petty, backstabbing mentalities of high school? Yes, I realize this is a fallen world, but… Wow.

[original post shortened.]

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Update: 6/29/09 (8:20pm) - Yup... definitely High School mentality.


The best thing I can do is just share the email I sent to my supervisor this morning... It says it all. As follows:

As much as I don't want to say anything at all, I am under the advisement of friends and family to report something to you.

Last Friday morning I encountered something I did not expect within the new work area: Someone sprayed something under the desk. I didn't notice it right away because my head is above the desk as I sit. Once I did notice it, I started the hunt for the source. I found that the strongest scent came from the back panel under the desk. [The logical back-stop for anything sprayed from the front of the desk.] My nose/brain translated it as "vanilla" similar to a Glade or AirWick product (i.e. some sort of air-freshener).

I wanted to report it, but who would believe me? Besides, there is no way to prove anything or even find out who did it.

So this weekend I put together a cleaning kit so I can take care of that kind of 'High School mentality' before anyone needs to know about it. It's my hope that the planned installation of some wall units may help discourage further antics as the current setup is completely open to any passer-by.

Thank you for your time.

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Go figure, huh?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Doing better...

I sometimes don't realize how much weight I'm carrying until it drives me to the ground. Once on the ground, as terrible as it feels, the burden is off long enough to at least shift around the load so it can be better handled... and hopefully discard some of it in the process.

Back in 1999, God granted me a gift of a wonderful little perpetual flip-calendar: The Grace of Encouragement by Charles R. Swindoll. Each day has a quote from one of his books and a scripture to enhance it. I was incredibly encouraged by the page for June 23rd... just when I needed it most:

The book quote (from "Come Before Winter, p.181): Are you facing some difficult battle today? Don't run! Stand still and refuse to retreat. Look at it as God looks at it and draw upon His power to hold up under the blast.

The scripture (from 2 Chronicles 20:15 NRSV): Thus says the Lord to you "Do not fear or be dismayed at the great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's."

I'm so glad that God does not forsake His children. In the hard times, He knows our struggles and He knows how to send encouragements to us to simply "hold fast" and not let go. He sent to me kind words from friends, a simply adorable bunny watching from the side of the field, and a little flip calendar.
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Godspeed & God Bless

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Why am I crying...

It's 4am. I'm sitting in the bathroom with a towel over my shoulders to keep me warm. I've been awake since 12:30 and almost got back to sleep when something fell or the step-daughter came in at 1am-ish. By 1:30 I started relaxation techniques and by 2:30 plugged in a book. By 3:30 the tears started and have not quite abated.

I'm so depressed and I'm so tired of it all. I can't help but ask: Why me? Why can't I take 6 1/2 months off to deal with my own depression? Why can't I take time off to find chat friends to spend my days with? It sure would be a nicer way to spend my days than to be in a workplace that has become a stress generator greater than that of scratching by on a single income. My migraines are getting worse because there is no relief from the stress, which makes me more sensitive to the fragrances - yadda, yadda - never ending spiral downwards.

I'm so tired of fighting these battles on my own. I am out of ways to motivate, to encourage, to plea for help. I can't do this on my own! What steps to I need to take to be heard? What steps do I need to take to ... take care of me (because it's pretty obvious that no-one else is going to do it for me)?

Sorry for the vent. My work alarm will be going off in less than 45 minutes... if I'm not actually ready to go by then. The earlier I go to work, the more work I can get done before the fragranced people show up... and the earlier I can get off work on Friday because I'll get off at the same time I always do... unless I leave early.

Time to soldier on... for what it's worth.

Monday, June 22, 2009

It's like being in High School again...

[Original post: 5/31/09: 6:10pm.]

It amazes me. How did I never realize it? How (or why) do people (who should be adults) choose to revel in the the petty, backstabbing mentalities of high school? Yes, I realize this is a fallen world, but… Wow.

The workman's comp saga proceeds with turns and a couple of twists. Continuing the chronology from the last post (i.e. doctor’s letter through a workman’s comp accident report – remember, not my idea), I had scheduled to take off a few extra days to make the Memorial weekend a good long 5-day weekend... at home. [My last safe refuge. I almost want to keep a messy house so we won't get visitors! How sad!]

Aside from the 70 minute phone interview with the workman’s comp lady on Friday afternoon, the weekend was WONDERFUL. Hubby and I were able to get a lot of work done on the property (burning branch piles and cleaning up blown down trees (though there is still a lot of work left to do). We were even able to take off a day or two to rest and relax. [It's been so long, I'd forgotten what those words meant.]

When I got back to work on Tuesday the 26th, I had a strength that I’ve not felt in months. Friends mentioned that I looked like I was feeling better. I had better color and better stature. Being fragrance-free for 5 days allowed my body to regain stability and heal to a greater degree than it could do so on a normal 2-day weekend. I was telling people that my weekend was "better than therapy!"

That same day, while I was away on my lunch break - go figure - the water cooler was shifted about 10-feet farther away from my work area. [As yet I have not determined if the air patterns will show this to be an advantage or not. If the fragranced people still insist on chatting with "The Caretaker of the cooler", the move will have made no difference at all.]

I personally found out about the move via the not-so-subtle grumbling and sideways looks & whispers that inundated the work area (for the next four days). The office population also increased as the word got out and the patrons just had to "come see" and make their displeasure known.

Communications from the front office also came to me that the move had been made with indications that they believed that the physical relocation of the cooler should solve all my problems. I had to be very careful in my phrasing to let them know that I was made aware (mostly by the hostile grumbling) and to express my hope that it would reduce my exposures. Of course, this spurred a long confused reply that made me think I was writing in Greek... or perhaps Sanskrit. Yikes! I even expressed in my own reply that I believed that I had been very clear and how I could not understand where the confusion was coming from. My reply was more rational than I felt like being with a request to let me know if I was in any way still being unclear… and if it was, to be very specific so that I could address whatever it was very specifically. Unbelievable!

Meanwhile the petty vindictive high-school mentality runs amuck. The cooler was moved so obviously people can wear more fragrance and camp longer at The Caretaker’s desk. Furthermore, because the cooler is no longer immediately next to the Caretaker, she can loudly announce to the cooler visitors: "So good of you to come visit me! Come back anytime!"

The blessing in all of this is that the move may have actually put the machine slightly out of the main air currents that seem to eddy in my work area. I have noticed improvements while I sit at my desk. [Although I need to hold my breath to use the staircase if anyone is at the cooler or has recently left there.] However, I can deal with that. I do the same thing when I have to go into the clock-room or through the lunchroom.

Only time will tell, though. If all this works, and I am able to have a reduction in my exposures to people’s fragrances, then I should be able to better recover from those exposures that I must endure. I think of it like a bruise. If you keep hitting that same spot over and over, the sensitivity just grows and grows, so that it takes less force to make it hurt more. However, if you can protect the wound for a while, it can better withstand a follow-up hit with fewer of the effects.

[Sigh] I have no idea how long and far-reaching this mess will be. The workman’s comp research continues (doctors lists and medical/medication records) as does the animosity of former “friends”. It is my hope that in time, people will ‘relax’ into something resembling a normal pattern. Patterns allow for predictability. Predictability allows for planning & coping skills to be used - God willing.

The most disheartening thing to have to admit: My office is not the only place where I once considered it to be a 'safe' place. [Without details, that is one of the reasons why I'm often "the troll in the basement" when I stay at MIL's place.] I suppose if I have to deal with "high-school mentality" at the office, I should not be surprised when I have to deal with it everywhere else, too. Go figure.
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Godspeed & God bless
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UPDATE 6/22/09 (2pm):

I'm on my lunch break (and actually not using a company machine to make this update). I wanted to share a discovery: I think that I've suddenly figured out that the high-school people work at the Workman's Comp office, too. Sheesh! I hate it when people get mad at you for accidentally finding out that they weren't doing their job. Yikes! She's going to be SO GLAD when she never has to talk to me again... and I think I'll be glad, too, frankly.

On the side of 'anything new' happening: I don't know if it's progress or not, but motions are being made towards doing some sort of 'air testing' at the office. [Do fragrances pick up on air quality tests?] I don't know the who, or the when, but if it's like the last few weeks... I'm expecting the meat-grinder to continue chewing on me for a while.

In addition to the desire to watch "Victory" again, I think I need stronger armor (mental or otherwise)... It's getting more and more tempting to believe that all this animosity is personal.

Gotta go back to work. See ya!
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Monday, June 15, 2009

Updated: Just prayers, now...

This is just a quick note to express a praise and a prayer. The praise is for a long awaited call for a job interview for Mr. Squirrel. The prayer is for that long awaited job interview for Mr. Squirrel.

The interview is Thursday morning at 11am. The feelings are positive and hopeful, but prayers are still requested for the Lord's guidance and that all will go well. Many thanks!

Godspeed and God bless!
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UPDATE 6/11 (6:30pm):

Mr. Squirrel's interview was less of an interview and more of a "hands-on" testing session. We had lunch together today so I could find out how it went. He was VERY pleased with how he did. [I believe the words used were that he "SMOKED IT".] The testing supervisor told him that they would be reviewing his test results and would be calling him in the next 2-3 days to tell him "the next steps".

Realistically, this isn't a "yes", but it's not a "no", either. Hopes are still very high with confidence to match. [Which is typically when the "disappointment monster" pounces on us.] For ease of tracking this saga, I'll continue to update this post rather than starting a new one when new information is available. Thanks again for the prayers and good thoughts!

:)

UPDATE 6/15 (6:30pm):

Does the phrase "SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES" mean anything to you? We sit in stunned silence and utter disbelief. Mr. Squirrel is extremely depressed and I am at a loss. I don't know what to do or how to help him (us) pick up our cross and keep going.

We were expecting some sort of contact today, but did not receive any phone calls. So, Mr. Squirrel checked his email in case there was a message. There was one. This evening he got the equivalent of a 'dear john' form letter that gave absolutely no indication of why he was denied further interview steps. He has sent an email to both our friend who was helping him and the recruiter who seemed to be encouraging him. It is our hope that maybe someone, somewhere, can tell us why he's been axed from the possibility of employment. If there is something that needs to be fixed, it sure would be nice to know what it is that needs fixing.

I am reminded of the scriptures in the Book of Job. God allowed Satan to test Job with the only restriction that he couldn't kill him. Although not in the same league as Job's afflictions, we continue to be in a time of severe testing... and we are trying to stay faithful. Please continue to pray for us, but especially for Mr. Squirrel.

Many thanks.

P.S. I have my own battles continuing with the office 'high-school mentalities' and workman's comp issues. So the frustrations are abundant and overwhelming. Right now I consider Mr. Squirrel to be the priority, so I will detail my own stuff later.

Movie Time: Victory (1981)

This is the movie that started the idea for a movie post. A number of weeks ago I pulled it off the shelf with the intent of using it for 'background noise' while I was doing something else (I love the music). It was not long before I found myself planted in a chair where I proceeded to watch the whole thing.

Now, I must confess: I'm not a big fan of war movies (like Mr. Squirrel is) or sports movies, but there are some treasures out there. I consider this movie to be one of those treasures. When I watch it, by the end of the movie, my spirit seems more fortified and I'm encouraged to 'keep fighting the good fight' no matter the odds.

The movie is rated PG. There is a little bit of language, but it's not harsh or repetitive (PG rating is legitimate). There is also a good mixture of humor, tension and excitement from beginning to end. Unfortunately, the story necessarily touches on some of the ugliness of war, but this is the foundation where we watch men (prisoners of war) from different backgrounds band together to overcome challenges and reach for a common goal. [No pun intended, but appropriate in this case.]

The cast of actors is top-notch and the musical score is energizing (especially if you enjoy marching bands - and as a former trumpet player, I do!). Watching the movie's final confrontation(s), the story plays with your emotions, but the audience is allowed a growing sense of what I would call 'national pride'. You want to cheer on the players and you feel the outrages that they must overcome.

The skills of the players are amazing, too... Yeah, I know that "it's a movie", but if you dig into the 'extra stuff', you will find out as I did - a fair number of those "players" aren't just acting like soccer players... they ARE soccer players... with some being National Champions! Check out Wikipedia for some of those details: click here. Here also is the IMDB page that has some additional details: click here.

I don't know about other people, but I watch movies to be entertained. I want to feel good when a movie is done, or at least like I've shared something important. This movie does that for me. Thanks for letting me share it with you!

Enjoy!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Going to try something new...

I'd like to try something new. I've recently been re-charged with my love of movies and movie making. [I love to watch the "extra stuff" and commentaries almost as much as I love the movies themselves! As a kid, I always thought it would be so fun to be an 'extra' in a movie, too!]

Just this past weekend, I was THRILLED to find out that a childhood friend, who was like a second older sister (i.e. "adopted" home-town families that grew up together), has the opportunity to work with Weta Workshop in New Zealand! If I wasn't such a chicken-heart, I'd be really jealous - instead I'm cheering for her! Yea! Woo Hoo! Congratulations! [I've been amazed by her artistic & sculpting gifts & talents since we were kids, and I believe she is fully capable of knocking their socks off!]

Because I don't have any more specific details, and I want to be careful & respectful, I won't share more than that for now. It is my hope that our families will continue to share information that will allow us to follow her new adventures. Perhaps opportunities will present themselves so I can share more of them here, too!

This refreshing energy boost has encouraged a thought that I had a number of weeks ago. We have many movies in our home collection. Sometimes I pick one I've not seen for a long time 'just because' and I suddenly realize - Wow! This is a REALLY good movie. Those are movies that I'd like to share in this blog as a movie-post of some sort. I don't know quite what forms it will take (reviews, recommendations, warnings, 'did you know', etc.), but I ultimately hope that it might be another fun distraction for this blog.

Now I just need to find the time...
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Godspeed & God bless

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Caption this photo...

I needed a smile today and this one seemed to work for me.
Enjoy!