Poachers should be shot.

I've never had to call TipMont (the Montana Hotline to report violations to the Fish, Wildlife & Parks people) before in my life, but had to today. The gunshot I heard Friday night turned into the rotting corpse of a buck (deer, not sure if it was a mule deer or a white-tail) that my husband and I found on our property after we got home from church...... minus it's antlers, of course. What a shame and what a waste of meat. It really makes me angry on many levels.

I didn't call it in Friday night because, like most people, I was afraid. [And I've reported gunfire in the past and had little happen towards investigation.] I was home alone and I was shutting down for the night and I saw car lights though the kitchen window. It wasn't unusual to see cars, but it was to have them parked on the side of the road. So, I watched. Soon, one car drove away and I followed it to see where it would go. I didn't see, but I heard a gunshot. I turned off the house light in the front room and watched the other vehicle from the dark. I saw and heard nothing until the vehicle pulled a u-turn and drove away. In the headlights of oncoming highway traffic I could see it was a sedan type car, but couldn't tell anything else about it. I told myself that I'd go look in that area the next day, but exhausted sleep and a ton of housework distracted me... I forgot about it.

This morning, on the way to church, we noticed ravens in the trees (not completely unusual because of the small town dump about 5 miles away) and saw some things on the property that we didn't recognize (specifically brush piles). Last week we did give our neighbor permission to cut up dead & downed trees on our property, but we didn't know where he was going to start. After church, we went to look at the tree cutting and then we found the deer body. [The brush piles and the deer were not in the same place, just close enough to catch the attention from one to the other.]

It makes me so angry! To selfishly destroy and mutilate an animal for a trophy and waste the meat that would feed a family for a winter. It disgusts me. It also makes me realize how that bullet could fly into any of the homes in the vicinity not to mention the possibility of it straying into the highway traffic. So frightening to think on the "what if". I thank God that it was only a deer that was hit.

I can say that I did have a good experience talking to the TipMont fellow that was on duty. He took down my information and my numbers and told me that he would contact the Warden in our area. [However, being the first day of hunting season, it might be a while before he can get back to us.] He also encouraged me to call them if I ever hear gunshots after dark. "After dark, it's pretty much people up to no good." So, I've put their number on the same phone card as the local sheriff's number and I'll not hesitate to call them should it happen again.

But frankly, I'm going to hope that it doesn't happen again... ever.

Movie Time: Dragonheart (1996)

I recently stumbled on this film when I was stuck in Missoula and surfing the satellite selections for something to do. It is so true that there is rarely much to choose from, so I was pleased to find this movie. We have it in our DVD collection, but it has been a while since I've seen it. It was like meeting up with an old friend and it was a pleasure to see it again.

It is a fantasy movie (rated PG-13 - for action/violence) that has a lot of depth to it. The characters are well constructed and there are many moments of laughter, tension and even tears. The acting ensemble (including Dennis Quaid, David Thewlis, Dina Meyer, Pete Postlethwaite and the voice of Sean Connery) has a chemistry that can be rare to find in most movies. [And I confess a fondness for Brother Gilbert's enthusiasm as well as his poetry and scripture.]

Valor, virtue, truth and all of the elements of "The Old Code" that bring to memory the ideals of chivalry. Those things that this world lacks in so many ways.

But if you look close enough... you can still find them... even inside ourselves.

Enjoy!

Update... sort of... a new chapter

A ways back, I was looking for pictures that might represent a migraine. The creator of this image (labeled as Flickr: aldoaldoz) had it pretty close.

... except someone else would be turning the crank and there would be at least three of those clamps in various locations on the noggin. And for me, add a tilt to it.

For my update, I would like to report that I have successfully reached the end of a very stressful week and now stand on the "other side". All in all, the events that generated that stress actually turned out to be much better than I expected (thanks to God's mercy). The hindsight I have now makes me realize that there are some things that I need to do to help me reduce my stress where I can. The migraine symptoms are bad enough by themselves. I don't need to be adding to the problem.

To start, my neurology appointment went well. However, the doctor did not receive either my letter (sent on 9/28) or the test results supposedly sent from the WorkComp girl. My doctor did take the initiative to paw through some unsorted mail (she said they were understaffed) and did find mine. We went through it and she was refreshingly ready to discuss everything and she answered many of my questions. She is also putting me in full control of deciding ultimately what medications and treatment options I want to try. Through our discussions, she is also very willing to write me a 'prescription' for an air purifier for my work area, should I desire to try it. [I'm still inclined to wait for the final results of the air testing... whenever that might be... or wait until after the first of the year so I can prepare a new year of flex claim options. The purifiers that can filter fragrance-type impurities aren't cheap.]

The left "eyebrow" issue was my main concern. Because I had explained that I'd had something similar on the right side when I was first being diagnosed, she was not inclined to be alarmed or overly concerned about it. If it had been a 'first time ever' thing, that would be another issue. So, for now, we will monitor it and if it persists unchanged (or gets worse or does something strange) by the time we meet next (end of January 2010), then we'll discuss options for internal scans (MRI, etc.) to see what might be going on.

In the meantime, because we don't have the air testing results, we talked about medication changes - i.e. I'm not taking anything right now for "prevention". All of the 'fancy' stuff available has side effects that I'm not ready chance - I can't risk not being able to drive right now. So, I talked to her about one of the testimonials that was printed in one of my migraine books. A woman with migraines found relief by simply taking one aspirin per day. [Could it really be that simple?] My doctor was OK with trying the idea and told me that one pill (325mg) daily should be safe for me... and I also verified that it would still be safe with my current migraine-attack medications.

Because of my own self-imposed restrictions on medications, I decided to start small by using the 'baby aspririn' (or low-dose) variety that is only 81mg. That gives me many options for taking less than 325mg and it also allows for variety of taking it at different times of the day, or when I have pain that I can't ignore. For now, as mornings are when people are the most 'freshly fragrant' that is my scheduled 'daily' dose. However, if my head hurts before bed, I'm taking another one for better sleep. [Right now, I'm more interested in getting the pain managed so my body can quit fighting itself and 'everything else', too.]

The other thing I need to do is go back and review my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy notes and start actively exercising those skills. They've gotten "flabby" because I've not been serious about practicing it for almost 2-years. [I was doing well and didn't need it. Why practice?] I also need to dig up my old relaxation techniques and get them updated so they are more user friendly and accessible. These two things together, should reduce the brain turmoil in my head. Less turmoil, the better the chances of healing. The better the chances of healing, the better the chances for reduction in migraine trigger sensitivities. Less sensitivities... oooooo baby... LESS MIGRAINES. That's my hope anyway. [And maybe get this blog back on the light and happy side of life!]

But I've got my work cut out for me on all fronts. I've scheduled to take this coming Monday off from work. A long weekend will go a fair way towards starting on the right path. Tomorrow is also a Grizzly football game (Homecoming) and Hubby gets to join us this time (yea!), so it will not only be a long weekend, but it will be a long weekend with my Hubby! A very rare treat these days.

So, I guess this is the start of a new chapter in the same book. I don't know what lies ahead, but I know that some changes are going to be made on my part this time around. Time will tell if it's going to be a better chapter than the last one. ;)

The voyage of discovery begins... again.
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God Bless & Godspeed

Can migraines generate paranoia?

I think I've become a raging paranoid.

For the moment, my run-away coach ride has just come to a screeching halt and I owe it to your prayers! Thank you!

God kept His hand on me and kept me from lurching around and He didn't need to cover my mouth except to perhaps close it when my jaw dropped from shock. The meeting had nothing to do with my case... except in the base association that I have actually have case that could be related to an office safety issue.

[Ya-know... a tiny little heads-up that it was for a brainstorm session about a possible new safety committee MIGHT HAVE BEEN NICE.]

When my supervisor came and got me, I was ready for just about anything. Now that it's over, I've got to ask: Does God chuckle at his children when they pack the kitchen sink for a picnic in the back yard? Or pack a howitzer to fend off the ants? I hope He does... because I sure feel stupid.

The meeting was just me and the Workman's Comp lady (who actually identified herself as a safety consultant, but she was the same one who was instructing on ergonomics and getting peoples' workstations better fitted to prevent injury). I was grateful that it was just the two of us, and it lightened the mood immediately. She also had no problems with me recording the meeting because of my migraine fog and my desire to remember the details. [It was also my first field test, so I'm glad it was not a huge deal... I'll still keep it though - good habit.] It was a very pleasant talk and it seems to be something that might be included into the category of "God's mysterious ways" again.

If this becomes a real thing, participation could be an avenue to get some education out to the 'general population' and perhaps even get some policy changes. Of course, that could suddenly be my little fantasy, but it is something to consider. So, I told her that I would be interested to see how this develops and she was pleased to see my interest. Only time will tell what will come of it.

Now that THAT 'crisis' is over, I still need to get ready for my doctor's appointment tomorrow. At least I can bring this up as an amusing anecdote. Wow. Why did they feel the need for such cloak & dagger? Such needless stress. Deliberate? Who knows? [Although next time, I will ask up front what the meeting topic is... that's for darn sure!]

Thanks again for the prayers and good thoughts! I'll hold some of them in reserve for tomorrow's appointment if that's OK. ;)
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God Bless & Godspeed

Prayer request...

And I thought things might remain quiet until AFTER my neurologist appointment... "snort"... Fat chance.

How naive am I.

Things could be (scratch that, say they ARE) heading in a very stressful direction. As such, I am asking for prayer for God's will to be done - first and foremost. Secondly, I would ask for God's hand to be on my shoulder (or my head) to keep me steady and the other hand over my mouth so I don't say something that I shouldn't.

Last Friday morning, I received an email from the front office notifying me of a meeting that will be held sometime between 1 and 3 pm tomorrow - no details, meeting location TBA. The only provided information: A representative from Workman's Comp will be meeting with me... and the personnel officer... and my supervisor. The name given to me suggests that the WorkComp representative is their "occupational therapist". [She came through our office last winter for work-station 'adjustments' for those who were having back, neck or other issues.]

Personally, I find even the thought of this meeting to be extremely intimidating. Three against one is not good odds, especially with the animosity of the personnel officer and the apathy of the supervisor... and, of course, eight months of 'conditioned response'.

When I responded to the email, I was not shy in announcing that I will be available to attend, but I would be bringing either a tape recorder or my husband (if he is available) to the meeting. [My gut tells me that we've reached the point that everything needs to be documented via audio or visual - no exceptions.] As it turns out, Hubby cannot be there. [Which is OK, because he told me that he REALLY wants to tell these people what he thinks of them... and considering just how TICKED-OFF (my words, not his) he is at this whole situation - it might be best that he not be there. I will be able to call him afterwards, though for all appropriate comforting and basic information exchange.]

So, it will be just me, my recorder (digital)... and any support God sees fit to send with me. [A host of angels ready to do battle for me would be a very cool mental image to take with me.]

I must say that I do not find it a coincidence that this 'meeting' was arranged on such short notice, and that it falls on the day immediately BEFORE I meet with my neurologist. This may actually turn to my advantage. Although I can swiftly remember that they cannot fire me, nor can they force me to sign or agree to anything. But above that, at any point I can delay having to make any decision or commitments by simply telling them that I have not yet talked to my doctor and need to consult with her before making a decision.

It is completely true after all.

Thanks for listening & for any prayers or good thoughts you'd like to send my way. I don't know if I'll be able to update this blog tomorrow or not. It may have to wait until after my doctor's appointment. I will promise to let you know what comes of it.

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Godspeed & God bless

A little update...

I'm not sure exactly what this is going to add, but here goes:

Yesterday, I finally received my maintenance request to have some cardboard put over the ceiling vent that is located almost directly over my head. The intention is not to block the air completely, just to divert the air that floods into my work area. The slanted modification directs the air towards the wall and (intentionally) back towards some of the resident fragrance sources. Hopefully, this will not only help push fragrances away from me, it will allow for less infiltration into my work area. We'll have to see if it works. [Right now, I'd say that it has helped, but we've had mid-40's temperatures since the modification. When people are cold, they cover up. When they cover up, they also cover up a large percentage of the fragrances that they might share. A good thing.]

Although we get them about once per year, oddly enough, today the front office submitted a company wide notification asking people to be aware of fragrance sensitive people (without forcing anyone to do anything). I did not spur this notification, nor did my friend. [I quit asking for this notification to be shared over a year ago - it never helps.] However, my friend and I are very curious who made the request (a fellow sufferer could be a fellow team player), but we are also curious which 'fragrance source' prompted the request.

Most likely we will never find out...
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Godspeed & God bless