It's been a roller coaster...

Sorry I've not been around a lot. Things have just been loaded with ups and downs for weeks now, which makes me particularly grateful to have Monday off without burning vacation time.

I'm able to blog today because I'm stuck in Missoula (where there is internet)... Well, voluntarily stuck. I'd rather be at home, but tomorrow is the first of the University of Montana Grizzlies football games. Hubby and I have season tickets with my sister. Pity he can't attend because of work. :(

[But he was able to negotiate trades with another driver for two games - one in October and one in November, so he won't miss them all. You want to see what he thinks of football? Click here.]

[sigh] It was my hope that this blog would have more lighthearted or (I hope) interesting things to share, but I continue to find myself blindsided or interrupted... or more likely, I've been just completely out of steam or desire to do anything. So I think I've done more whining than I'd care to admit. Sorry. [I don't know how people with similar experiences do it... especially if there are kids or pets that also demand their attention. Wow.]

The battles have commanded the priority positions for a long time. Any respite from them means... chores, sleep and chores until whatever steam that remains goes away. What about weekends? Someday, perhaps, I'll have access to internet at home again, but right now it doesn't really matter. For the last few weekends, 'chores' includes cleaning the church for a community concert scheduled on the 12th. It's a beautiful facility, but it's also quite large. I've been astounded at how much of a workout vacuuming for two hours straight can be... especially dealing with lingering migraine effects from the week prior. It took two hours for the sanctuary and foyer, and two hours for the basement & fellowship hall (separate weekends). I count myself blessed that this coming weekend, Mr. Squirrel and another church member will help me finish up the kitchen, bathrooms (all four of them) and any additional mopping that needs to be done. Once completed, it'll all be done... before the concert. Whew!

As far as the rest of my life, I believe I've reached a cross-roads, of sorts, for many of the things going on right now. I've got so much confusion going on in my mind... and not all of it is the result of migraines. [Though the migraines seem to be the underlying pavement - causes, effects, frustrations and depression.]

At my office: Although the new work area is better, it is not without it's migraine triggers for me. And, the last few weeks has seen increased activity to prepare areas for new people to move in. That activity keeps the air stirred up... and all the fragrances circulate with a vengeance. I've begun to think that Darth Vader wants to be my new friend in the Masks-R-Us club. It's been awful. It's spurred me into researching painter's masks and portable air-purifier systems that will filter out VOC vapors. [VOC=Volitile Organic Compounds]

I SHOULDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Tied to that is the continuing Workman's Comp "exercise in futility". The distillation of a frustrating day can be boiled down to this: I cannot make appointments, referrals, purchase equipment, etc. without the express permission (i.e. authorization) of the Workman's Comp... girl. And, she will not authorize ANYTHING until they determine whether or not I've got a claim. But, I can't do that without the appointments that they won't authorize until after the claim is determined to actually be work related... and not some sort of life issue. [Which I am sure they are going to push towards so they don't have to pay a red cent. But that's my own frustrated opinion.] In other words: I'm between a rock and a hard place.

I still have hope that the air-testing will still bear fruit. I found out that the fragrance test was done as a follow-up one week after the general testing. It's my hope that she landed on a day when everyone was fragrant. The results should be coming back any time now.

Physically, I'm experiencing all of those (Bickerstaff) migraine symptoms that I find the most disturbing: Tingling and numbness in my left arm, hand, leg and foot; a brain that seems to get shocked into neutral so that I can't think, and of course the the equilibrium that is a large-bubble-off-of-plumb. The blessing (yup, there is one), is that having moved to the new location, the after effects which used to last up to three days or more, only last 12 to 48 hours. Unless it's a really solid hit, then I get the 72-hour amusement park.

Some new things have got me a little spooked though. After the move, although the numbness in my little toes went away completely (Yea!), I've been noticing a persistent tenderness under my left eyebrow and the upper edge of the orbital ridge. I believe it is related to the migraines because I've experienced it before on the right side. The oddity is that it shifted to the left side and that it is persistent while being variable in degree and duration. It could also be related to some dental sensitivity (also variable and intermittent) on the same side. [Which could also be migraine related with either hormones or perhaps clenching, though I've not done it in the past.]

Right here I get the abrupt reminder about the Workman's Comp girl's proclamation about required pre-authorization and promised automatic denial of authorization because the claim is not yet considered legit.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Well, I've already made an appointment with my neurologist (first available opening is October 7th) and I'm working up the courage to pursue both a dental and an eye exam. Without authorization - and I may not even tell her about it. [ooo... I'm such a trouble-maker.] I had planned to do both months ago, but our finances wouldn't carry the burden. Now that Hubby is back in the workforce, the chances are better that we can cover expenses... but we are still in the financial rebuilding stages. We can't get spend-happy too much or too quickly.

I'd better sign off this post before it becomes a bigger novel. Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts, the encouragements and caring.

P.S. That one minute commercial for the Griz Football on Hubby's site is from a couple of years ago, but it's what we watch before games to get charged up... I've watched it about four times already this evening.... maybe five. I remember someone calling it "group therapy with 25,000 of your closest friends". There is some truth to that.

Go Griz!
---------------------------------------

God bless & Godspeed