I thought I was confused before. Wow.Because I was told way back in August that I would "definitely hear" back about the fragrance testing BEFORE October, I thought I'd use my nausea and wooziness as courage to push the deal a little bit early. On 9/28, I sent a simple note to the Industrial Hygienist asking if she could tell me if the testing had been completed. She did reply (my first 'official' anything) saying that the report had been completed and submitted to State Fund (i.e. Workman's Comp). No dates and no details volunteered. [And I respected that.]
So, today, after my vision came back (Yup, I got slammed with the first classic migraine I've had since March at about 7:20am and about 30 seconds after I wrapped up my last work project - God's timing is good), and when my brain cleared up enough to think in complete sentenses, I decided to ask my claim-girl about the report. I started by letting her know that the IH confirmed that the report was done and I asked if there was anything she could share with me. I told her I was meeting with my neurologist on 10/7 to discuss my migraine treatments and my options would hinge greatly on the test results and the changes (or non-changes) that would result in the workplace.
What I got back was something that my brain interprets as bad news:
"I am going to try and get a letter off to your dr and I will send the findings to the dr to go over with you. They are trained to interpret and can tell you. Basically thought there is nothing found for a sick building! I will copy you with my letter"
Now, that last sentence is not very good English, but any translations on my part all come back to it's a no-go and nothing was found. [Particularly with the exclamation point at the end.] I responded:
"I appreciate that and thank you. I look forward to learning more about it and the direction that my treatments are going to have to go now. It discourages me to think that there was/is 'nothing in the air' considering the sensitivity of the tests. I guess my hopes were set too high when [my friend] told me he received differing information back on 9/15. I guess it's a good thing that I wasn't going to weigh it any more than a rumor until he or I heard something "official". I guess I've got that now. Thank you for your time."
I got no further reply. Didn't expect one, though.
I guess now all my hopes remain on the tenuous footing that perhaps my doctor will be able to share more information than my claim-girl did. It just really makes me wonder why elements of my case can be discussed by her with someone else (i.e. my friend) and not with me. It also makes me wonder (via the law of noncontradiction) who is being lied to, or if a subtle piece of information has been omitted? [i.e. the tests I was expecting were for fragrances... not sick building.] Who knows? But I do know that I'm quite depressed about it (but that could be migraine related, too).
Fortunately, not having work lined up for me to do, and no desire or oomph to make busy work for myself, I spent a few hours reading in the Scriptures an really soaked into the Book of 1 Peter. There is a lot of good stuff in there that applies to me and my situation. Good encouragements as well as a few chastisements, but the following were the ones that really spoke to my spirit:
1 Peter 2:18-23 (New International Version)
18Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh [Note: NASB has this ‘unreasonable’]. 19For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 20But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 22"He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth."[e] 23When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
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1 Peter 3:13-17 (New International Version)
13Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear[b]; do not be frightened."[c] 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
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Maybe something good will still come of all this. I'll have to let you know, but I'm not expecting anything new to become available until after my appointment on 10/7.
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Godspeed & God Bless
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